In a jungle clearing, a person is struggling, up to their waist in quicksand.
They cry out for help, but unfortunately only professional help is available…
Psychiatrist – “What you are in is called quicksand.”
Medical Practitioner – “Quicksand is a physical condition.”
The Freudian – “How old were you when you first played in a sand pit?”
Psychologist – “Let’s find the moment when your foot first touched the quicksand.”
Counselor – “You need to get out of the quicksand.”
Cognitive Behavioral Therapist – “What evidence do you have that you will die?”
Self Help Groups – “Look around, you’re not the only one. We’re under here too.”
Former Sufferer/Victim – “I found when I struggled I sank quicker.”
Hypnotist – “Use the Force, Luke”
Post-modern therapist – “You must realize this is a jungle.”
Rebirthing – “Want a different life?”
Chiropractor – “You would be further out of the sand if you stood up straighter.”
Existentialist/Logotherapist – “Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.”
Creative Visualization – “See a house brick transforming into a helium balloon.”
Iridologist – “I can help you as long as you keep your eyes out of the sand.”
Reflexologist – “Please invert yourself so I can get to your feet.”
Tarot Reader – “Hmm. Goddess of Sand – never seen that one before.”
Astrologer – “Keep your head up today. Don’t let things get on top of you.”
Social Worker – “How are your kids and your finances?”
Evangelist – “What do you mean my laying on of hands pushed you down?”
Past-Life Regressionist – “Many of your friends preserved in the tar-pit with you are now in museums.”
Allopathic Practitioner – “Take 2 anti-sand tablets and see me tomorrow.”
Homeopath – “Here is some watered down glue.”
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-Dr Martin W. Russell